That heart sure is beating faster than it needs to for someone who only had to take a few steps before lying down. César closes his eyes and Johnny can feel him breathe in and out as he tries to self-soothe.
"... I'm sorry." César blinks glassy eyes open to look up at him. "I know it's only a possibility, but it still seems a likely one. Because I hate myself for it. Even to the point where I had my will drawn up so I could assess my... options once everything was over."
"It sounds like a very serious matter, love. Why don't you start at the beginning?"
Johnny's face closes like a fan, because he understands that his love means every word he's saying, and there's a part of him that just wants to loudly, sharply reject that. But that isn't his role to play right now. He needs to listen, and to understand.
A ghost of a smile because both are true, and Johnny knows him too well. This is a test of their love. He needs to take a leap of faith.
"I should start from the very beginning. The Nanite Project. We were going to change the world. Cure diseases, end starvation. That's how we started out.
"But we needed more money and brought on some.... incredibly rich investors. The Consortium. They were greedy. Wanted profit.
"There was a argument about how the nanites would be used. Rex was fatally injured. Rex was dying; his heart had ceased beating, and irrevocable brain damage was imminent. His only chance was an infusion of nanites. It worked."
Relief spread over César's face. "I can't forget the moment he opened his eyes again, the beeping of the heart monitor. We thought we had lost him."
"And that should have been enough to convince our investors to invest for the greater good. It seemed like it had. Even as they asked us what else nanites could manipulate.
"... it turns out they could be made to manipulate the very fabric of the universe. As I've told you. We saw it as a chance to terraform other planets in the solar system —Mars, Venus, some moons of the gas giants—to ease the population burden on Earth while restoring it to a pristine slate, but the Consortium saw the Meta-Nanites as a chance to become gods.
"My parents and I caught wind of their plan shortly before they put it into action. Using our nanite reactor, we planned to make a controlled release of the Metas with a batch of half-programmed nanites so the Consortium couldn't get their hands on them. There were risks. Mutations if the regular nanites activated. But we had a program we could use to contain it after. Rex had the mechanical-based meta in him, as we had been testing it, and we knew we could contain the released nanites in time."
He takes a breath, grief spreading over his face. "But what we didn't count on is sabotage. Someone started a replication cycle. They increased exponentially. My parents were trapped in the reactor. Rex...."
César shakes his head. "I—I barely escaped in my lab just as the explosion hit. But I became trapped going nearly the speed of light. Because of physics, at the rate I was going... 5 years passed on Earth in the 15 minutes it took me to reboot the system."
A pause. "... with me so far? The rest is when it becomes... bad."
The words are muttered softly to himself, his expression holding a certain grim humor. It's a familiar story, though perhaps if he understood the science it'd be less so. What he recognizes is the emotional aspect. Greed, corruption, exploitation of optimistic scientists. Guilt, lots and lots of guilt.
Two nickles? ... so Johnny knew a similar situation. Horrifying.
César nods and strokes a hand up Johnny's forearm for a moment before he continues. "Okay."
God, you're such a Gen X.
"I returned to a changed world. I knew the explosion had scattered nanites, but I didn't know how bad. I didn't know they had named it the Nanite Event. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My first priority was to ensure a special control nanite—the Omega-1—was safe. So I instructed it with a signal to track and contain. If it received the signal, it would send me its location and envelop itself in a protective bubble."
"It took a while, but eventually a device to signal me was built. It was in a newly built American military base, or so I thought. Fearing it had fallen into the hands of the wrong person, I mayyyyyyy have—" Nervous amused face. "—attacked the base. I mean, I only used that device of mine that knocks people out as well as one other... and maybe a couple of smoke grenades? But eventually I got the signal's location and used my lap to travel there nearly instantly."
"And came across my baby brother, five years older, floating in a much bigger bubble with a much bigger device than I expected. The signal got translated through him since he was injected with the OM-1. And... still not knowing what was going on, not knowing whom I could trust...."
Shruuuuuuug. "May have kidnapped Rex? ... or, more precisely, he decided to come with me. He caught me up on what was happened in my absence after we took off in my lab. And it was universally terrible."
Back to being serious, more tired. "It was only a few hours from losing my parents that I found the explosion had infected the globe with nanites. We had lost hundreds of millions of people. People whose nanites had turned on and turned them EVOs. People who had been killed by said EVOs. Other accidents and disasters caused by the loss of life. Human EVOs were immediately stripped of all of their rights. People were terrified. Governments across the world let their citizens arm themselves against EVOs. It's legal in America to kill an EVO if you feel at all threatened."
César closes his eyes against the grief. "All of those innocent people. The only good news was that the Consortium hadn't found the meta-nanites, and no one was aware Rex's powers or ability to cure EVOs came from his meta-nanite."
He opens his eyes again, still looking up. "The base was the headquarters of Providence, a new armed force built through international cooperation. The regular folks handled the easier EVOs. Rex, Six, and Bobo Haha.... ah, he's a talking chimp EVO. Were sent to deal with the more powerful EVOs. Rex was also sent to cure anyone he could. The world finally felt there was a way forward. That maybe they could start to let EVOs back into society. That the world wasn't ending."
"I joined Providence. I immediately felt there was something off about the place. Some of the forms seemed... eerily familiar to forms I had signed when the Consortium had started funding the Nanite Project. But I didn't let anyone know my suspicions.
"Over time, Rex and I began to bond, but I was only there for a short couple of months before there was a situation and... Rex was thrown six months into the future. Real time travel. Not time dilation like with me, but time travel."
César does his best to stress the gravity of the situation with his eyes. "And that's when everything rapidly fell apart, and the world rapidly started its descent into fear and chaos once more."
"And you feel responsible for all of it." That's not a question--it's dripping from every word that makes its way out of César's mouth. Johnny hates the people who've managed to make him feel that way, when clearly it wasn't solely a thing he'd done and absolutely none of it intentionally.
"Yes." César nods, slowly, pain flashing across his face. "We pushed things too far. We flew too close to the sun, and the wings of the entire world melted off."
"Providence's standard operating procedures were 'Cure, Contain, Kill'. Rex was gone. Contain, Kill. Providence did their best to Contain. The paramilitary forces that had surfaced after the Event preferred 'Kill'. But, even Providence... well. W-We were running out of room."
César swallows. "And then the leader of Providence was... replaced. The man dubbed White Knight—another reason I was suspicious—became replaced by Black Knight."
There's fear in that name. "The only other person in the world besides Rex with fully programmed nanites. The second person we tested them on. The scientist whom the Consortium hired to work alongside us. When I saw her... I knew. I knew who was backing Providence in addition to governments around the world."
He's practically begging Johnny to understand. "I-I knew what it meant. They wanted maximum profits. They didn't care about White Knight's morals. Containing EVOs... costs money. A lot of money. And the Consortium was tired of their 'investment' operating at a loss."
Quietly. "They felt there was only one option left."
Cure, Contain, Kill. When you can't cure and have run out of space to contain--he follows the logic, even though he also sees where it's the result of greed, yet again. And oh, his heart aches.
In another world, another Johnny Summer will hear a princess in exile talk about all wealth being a cistern, collecting the teardrops of the poor as they labor. And he'll agree, quietly, despite his efforts not to be so greedy. In another world, he heard Mimley's tale of the Inclement Investment Company and his heart was heavy and full of anger towards those who twisted his brilliant man's dreams toward cruelty for the sake of coin.
It's all the same. Every world is the same in this sort of bullshit.
"Yes. Even ones that still had their minds or weren't a danger. There were plans for a mass extermination of EVOs in Hong Kong, which has become hub for runaway teen EVOs in particular. They were killing children. People Rex could cure when he returned."
César parts his lips but takes a moment to speak. "The only way to stop the impending genocide was to find a profitable solution. ... and the only solution I felt required me to metaphorically sell my soul. It was most of the reason why I... was the way I was when I got here."
It's been a long time since that hollow expression was on his face. But it's back.
"And you blame yourself for not being able to fully resolve matters on your own. For being stuck between a rock and a hard place, having the life squeezed out of you, and making a decision that you, quite literally, were unable to live with. You were ready to die, because you felt that's what you deserved, after what you did. And you're bringing that to me now, expecting me to work up anger at you, for whatever solution you did find."
César just looks up at him, vaguely embarrassed. ".................................. it sounds a bit silly of me when you put it that way. But, yes. That's the color of it."
"Not silly, but a little short-sighted. You weren't the party at fault. And I'm somewhat tired of people asking me to be party to their self-flagellation. You're not hardly the first on this ship to try to recount the sins of your past to me and expect me to hold them against you."
Huff-puff.
"César, I saw this burden of guilt within you from the night we met. I knew there was something this heavy on your shoulders. And I accepted you, regardless. This is our garden. This is our home now. Another you, one on an Earth, will have to face your past. Will you walk with me into our uncertain future?"
César stares up at Johnny in awe and love. Then, he half gets up and rolls so his head ends up in Johnny's lap. He smiles slowly, the weight of the world lessening.
"My love, my treasure. You and Erin ought to talk about feelings of guilt together, sometime. And then figure out what moving forward looks like, for both of you." His fingers slip into César's hair, gently and slowly carding through it.
"You're a part of my moving forward." César states quietly. "... but, noted. Maybe Erin and I can help each other."
He thinks to look up at Johnny and then closes his eyes instead, because it feels good. "I... need to finish my story. Not telling you has weighed on me for forever."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 04:08 pm (UTC)César freezes in place, searching Johnny's face. "I... don't know. I wanted John here to sit with you. I-I-I'm not the one who should...."
He's not sure what he's trying to say, too many chaotic thoughts, and he trails off.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 04:10 pm (UTC)CW: Intrusive thought about violence against self
Date: 2022-11-15 04:18 pm (UTC)César's face shows he regrets his words immediately, but he's still not moving towards Johnny.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 04:23 pm (UTC)...ah, this isn't not going to to be like Mimley telling the story of Ochre and Gio Sakakibara. But on a more intense scale, given...well. César.
"My treasure, my love. I will come over there if I need to."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 04:54 pm (UTC)"... okay." César closes his eyes and breathes. "Okay."
César puts his own book aside and stands, crawling onto the bed and lying on his back next to Johnny.
"It'd still be better with John. So you could be freely angry with me."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 04:56 pm (UTC)"Don't start deciding how I'm going to react before the talk begins. Please?"
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2022-11-15 05:13 pm (UTC)"... I'm sorry." César blinks glassy eyes open to look up at him. "I know it's only a possibility, but it still seems a likely one. Because I hate myself for it. Even to the point where I had my will drawn up so I could assess my... options once everything was over."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 05:19 pm (UTC)Johnny's face closes like a fan, because he understands that his love means every word he's saying, and there's a part of him that just wants to loudly, sharply reject that. But that isn't his role to play right now. He needs to listen, and to understand.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 05:41 pm (UTC)César please I swear to god stop delaying this.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 06:35 pm (UTC)A ghost of a smile because both are true, and Johnny knows him too well. This is a test of their love. He needs to take a leap of faith.
"I should start from the very beginning. The Nanite Project. We were going to change the world. Cure diseases, end starvation. That's how we started out.
"But we needed more money and brought on some.... incredibly rich investors. The Consortium. They were greedy. Wanted profit.
"There was a argument about how the nanites would be used. Rex was fatally injured. Rex was dying; his heart had ceased beating, and irrevocable brain damage was imminent. His only chance was an infusion of nanites. It worked."
Relief spread over César's face. "I can't forget the moment he opened his eyes again, the beeping of the heart monitor. We thought we had lost him."
"And that should have been enough to convince our investors to invest for the greater good. It seemed like it had. Even as they asked us what else nanites could manipulate.
"... it turns out they could be made to manipulate the very fabric of the universe. As I've told you. We saw it as a chance to terraform other planets in the solar system —Mars, Venus, some moons of the gas giants—to ease the population burden on Earth while restoring it to a pristine slate, but the Consortium saw the Meta-Nanites as a chance to become gods.
"My parents and I caught wind of their plan shortly before they put it into action. Using our nanite reactor, we planned to make a controlled release of the Metas with a batch of half-programmed nanites so the Consortium couldn't get their hands on them. There were risks. Mutations if the regular nanites activated. But we had a program we could use to contain it after. Rex had the mechanical-based meta in him, as we had been testing it, and we knew we could contain the released nanites in time."
He takes a breath, grief spreading over his face. "But what we didn't count on is sabotage. Someone started a replication cycle. They increased exponentially. My parents were trapped in the reactor. Rex...."
César shakes his head. "I—I barely escaped in my lab just as the explosion hit. But I became trapped going nearly the speed of light. Because of physics, at the rate I was going... 5 years passed on Earth in the 15 minutes it took me to reboot the system."
A pause. "... with me so far? The rest is when it becomes... bad."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-15 06:55 pm (UTC)The words are muttered softly to himself, his expression holding a certain grim humor. It's a familiar story, though perhaps if he understood the science it'd be less so. What he recognizes is the emotional aspect. Greed, corruption, exploitation of optimistic scientists. Guilt, lots and lots of guilt.
"Yeah, I'm with you."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 01:41 am (UTC)César nods and strokes a hand up Johnny's forearm for a moment before he continues. "Okay."
God, you're such a Gen X.
"I returned to a changed world. I knew the explosion had scattered nanites, but I didn't know how bad. I didn't know they had named it the Nanite Event. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My first priority was to ensure a special control nanite—the Omega-1—was safe. So I instructed it with a signal to track and contain. If it received the signal, it would send me its location and envelop itself in a protective bubble."
"It took a while, but eventually a device to signal me was built. It was in a newly built American military base, or so I thought. Fearing it had fallen into the hands of the wrong person, I mayyyyyyy have—" Nervous amused face. "—attacked the base. I mean, I only used that device of mine that knocks people out as well as one other... and maybe a couple of smoke grenades? But eventually I got the signal's location and used my lap to travel there nearly instantly."
"And came across my baby brother, five years older, floating in a much bigger bubble with a much bigger device than I expected. The signal got translated through him since he was injected with the OM-1. And... still not knowing what was going on, not knowing whom I could trust...."
Shruuuuuuug. "May have kidnapped Rex? ... or, more precisely, he decided to come with me. He caught me up on what was happened in my absence after we took off in my lab. And it was universally terrible."
Back to being serious, more tired. "It was only a few hours from losing my parents that I found the explosion had infected the globe with nanites. We had lost hundreds of millions of people. People whose nanites had turned on and turned them EVOs. People who had been killed by said EVOs. Other accidents and disasters caused by the loss of life. Human EVOs were immediately stripped of all of their rights. People were terrified. Governments across the world let their citizens arm themselves against EVOs. It's legal in America to kill an EVO if you feel at all threatened."
César closes his eyes against the grief. "All of those innocent people. The only good news was that the Consortium hadn't found the meta-nanites, and no one was aware Rex's powers or ability to cure EVOs came from his meta-nanite."
He opens his eyes again, still looking up. "The base was the headquarters of Providence, a new armed force built through international cooperation. The regular folks handled the easier EVOs. Rex, Six, and Bobo Haha.... ah, he's a talking chimp EVO. Were sent to deal with the more powerful EVOs. Rex was also sent to cure anyone he could. The world finally felt there was a way forward. That maybe they could start to let EVOs back into society. That the world wasn't ending."
"I joined Providence. I immediately felt there was something off about the place. Some of the forms seemed... eerily familiar to forms I had signed when the Consortium had started funding the Nanite Project. But I didn't let anyone know my suspicions.
"Over time, Rex and I began to bond, but I was only there for a short couple of months before there was a situation and... Rex was thrown six months into the future. Real time travel. Not time dilation like with me, but time travel."
César does his best to stress the gravity of the situation with his eyes. "And that's when everything rapidly fell apart, and the world rapidly started its descent into fear and chaos once more."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 01:47 am (UTC)cw: generator rex suck parade in full swing for the next several replies :)
Date: 2022-11-16 02:03 am (UTC)"Providence's standard operating procedures were 'Cure, Contain, Kill'. Rex was gone. Contain, Kill. Providence did their best to Contain. The paramilitary forces that had surfaced after the Event preferred 'Kill'. But, even Providence... well. W-We were running out of room."
César swallows. "And then the leader of Providence was... replaced. The man dubbed White Knight—another reason I was suspicious—became replaced by Black Knight."
There's fear in that name. "The only other person in the world besides Rex with fully programmed nanites. The second person we tested them on. The scientist whom the Consortium hired to work alongside us. When I saw her... I knew. I knew who was backing Providence in addition to governments around the world."
He's practically begging Johnny to understand. "I-I knew what it meant. They wanted maximum profits. They didn't care about White Knight's morals. Containing EVOs... costs money. A lot of money. And the Consortium was tired of their 'investment' operating at a loss."
Quietly. "They felt there was only one option left."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 05:00 pm (UTC)Cure, Contain, Kill. When you can't cure and have run out of space to contain--he follows the logic, even though he also sees where it's the result of greed, yet again. And oh, his heart aches.
In another world, another Johnny Summer will hear a princess in exile talk about all wealth being a cistern, collecting the teardrops of the poor as they labor. And he'll agree, quietly, despite his efforts not to be so greedy. In another world, he heard Mimley's tale of the Inclement Investment Company and his heart was heavy and full of anger towards those who twisted his brilliant man's dreams toward cruelty for the sake of coin.
It's all the same. Every world is the same in this sort of bullshit.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 05:54 pm (UTC)César parts his lips but takes a moment to speak. "The only way to stop the impending genocide was to find a profitable solution. ... and the only solution I felt required me to metaphorically sell my soul. It was most of the reason why I... was the way I was when I got here."
It's been a long time since that hollow expression was on his face. But it's back.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 07:08 pm (UTC)Beat.
"Is that the color of it?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-16 09:04 pm (UTC)Huff-puff.
"César, I saw this burden of guilt within you from the night we met. I knew there was something this heavy on your shoulders. And I accepted you, regardless. This is our garden. This is our home now. Another you, one on an Earth, will have to face your past. Will you walk with me into our uncertain future?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-17 01:44 am (UTC)"Yes. Yes, I will."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-17 07:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-17 02:58 pm (UTC)"Please."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 04:00 am (UTC)He thinks to look up at Johnny and then closes his eyes instead, because it feels good. "I... need to finish my story. Not telling you has weighed on me for forever."
(no subject)
From:CW: emeto, mindfuckery, slavery, this is somehow a children's show
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