She's so scrambled right now that it takes her a good thirty seconds to dig for what he's talking about, to think back what is now months to that conversation in the apartment before the investigation into Postscript began in earnest. Even then she almost skims over it, but it's the only moment that makes any amount of sense unless it was something she didn't see.
Reasoning. Doggedness. Heroism. Conspiracy.
Mine's for cutting checks, I suppose.
"...aw, Hell." Yep, she hears it. She slumps, the protective fire in her becoming a simmering heat as she reaches desperately for some amount of tact. She rubs her brow with the back of her thumb, glass in the same hand. "Johnny. Ferrier's— look, I love the woman, but we both know she ain't infallible. She was keeping key information from me because she clearly didn't bleedin' trust me with it, apparently, despite... everything. God, I shoulda bloody said something at the time, but—"
It just didn't register, did it. It didn't but it should have. Hindsight.
"You were just as damn important to the League as any of the rest of us. You saved the manor and all of Bastrop's back-up tools with it. You got us protection from Gall that held two bloody years before we pushed too far. You kept us in the loop with rumblings in high society. No, you ain't Ferrier, you ain't Ducky, but who the Hell says you have to be? What you bring to the table is yours, not theirs! No matter what Ferrier did or didn't say."
"It wasn't important at the time and it's not important now. You just came back from the dead and my hands are soaked in blood and I'm the only member of my family who's managed to not die yet and...it's nothing big. Just one of those back-of-mind thoughts that eats at me when I'm not demonstrably perfect. Everyone has those--I know you do, too."
"Sure I do. Maybe it is. But that sure as hell doesn't mean it's not important, alright? Especially if it's eating at you 'cause you didn't fix one of the supposed more important problems quick enough."
And, alright, yes, the possessions are objectively more a dire situation than some self-doubt, but... look, her point stands, alright? It's important to her, because Johnny is important to her.
"Johnny, I respect you and the stuff you can do so damn much. I'd hope you know that already, but if you don't, well, there. And the more we get to really poke at each other's shells the more I appreciate those things. Ferrier ain't here. Ducky ain't here. You're here. You're here and I ain't ever want to lose you, alright, and—"
Ugh, and there's the pesky other emotions creeping back in at the edges while she tries to finish her point, apparently. She rubs her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Ugh. Why do bodies gotta leak like this, bleedin' undignified..."
He can have as much of his rum as he wants, the second he speaks again she's far too busy processing what he just dropped into her lap to even think about it.
"—I am?" Okay that sounds stupid the second it comes out of her mouth, but give her a break, she's experiencing a lot of emotions in a much rawer state than she's used to and there's already a few fresh tears falling. "I am. Al-Alright, yeah. 'Course I will. Aw, Hell, look at what you've done now," under that there's laughter, "making me all weepy again."
Edited (~improvements~ u know what i'm like) Date: 2022-10-30 03:02 pm (UTC)
"There's literally no one else I'd pick for that duty above you, Honoria. You're my family, just as much as they are." He settles in on the bed a bit more comfortably, offering the rum back.
"...family, yeah." Her voice picks up, gets warmer, she sounds genuinely delighted even through the continued tears. Happy tears, tears of relief and messy positive emotions as much as the pain that's underneath. "Ain't exactly that I thought there'd be anyone else as much as I hadn't thought about it, y'know? But that just— just makes it even better to hear it right now."
She accepts the bottle back on reflex as much as anything, though she takes another swig of what she'd poured. Wipes her eyes and cheeks.
"...m'so bloody glad I'm back. Don't wanna miss things like that, don't wanna leave any of you. Don't wanna be stuck in that— that—" nothingness. That horrible, horrible nothingness that consumed her the entire time she was gone.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 01:25 am (UTC)He catches himself a moment after yelling back at her and looks down, curling in on himself.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 01:42 am (UTC)...wait what?
She's so scrambled right now that it takes her a good thirty seconds to dig for what he's talking about, to think back what is now months to that conversation in the apartment before the investigation into Postscript began in earnest. Even then she almost skims over it, but it's the only moment that makes any amount of sense unless it was something she didn't see.
Reasoning. Doggedness. Heroism. Conspiracy.
Mine's for cutting checks, I suppose.
"...aw, Hell." Yep, she hears it. She slumps, the protective fire in her becoming a simmering heat as she reaches desperately for some amount of tact. She rubs her brow with the back of her thumb, glass in the same hand. "Johnny. Ferrier's— look, I love the woman, but we both know she ain't infallible. She was keeping key information from me because she clearly didn't bleedin' trust me with it, apparently, despite... everything. God, I shoulda bloody said something at the time, but—"
It just didn't register, did it. It didn't but it should have. Hindsight.
"You were just as damn important to the League as any of the rest of us. You saved the manor and all of Bastrop's back-up tools with it. You got us protection from Gall that held two bloody years before we pushed too far. You kept us in the loop with rumblings in high society. No, you ain't Ferrier, you ain't Ducky, but who the Hell says you have to be? What you bring to the table is yours, not theirs! No matter what Ferrier did or didn't say."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 02:17 am (UTC)"Sure I do. Maybe it is. But that sure as hell doesn't mean it's not important, alright? Especially if it's eating at you 'cause you didn't fix one of the supposed more important problems quick enough."
And, alright, yes, the possessions are objectively more a dire situation than some self-doubt, but... look, her point stands, alright? It's important to her, because Johnny is important to her.
"Johnny, I respect you and the stuff you can do so damn much. I'd hope you know that already, but if you don't, well, there. And the more we get to really poke at each other's shells the more I appreciate those things. Ferrier ain't here. Ducky ain't here. You're here. You're here and I ain't ever want to lose you, alright, and—"
Ugh, and there's the pesky other emotions creeping back in at the edges while she tries to finish her point, apparently. She rubs her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Ugh. Why do bodies gotta leak like this, bleedin' undignified..."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 02:33 am (UTC)"This is why you're the one who gets to walk me down the aisle at the wedding."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-30 02:45 am (UTC)He can have as much of his rum as he wants, the second he speaks again she's far too busy processing what he just dropped into her lap to even think about it.
"—I am?" Okay that sounds stupid the second it comes out of her mouth, but give her a break, she's experiencing a lot of emotions in a much rawer state than she's used to and there's already a few fresh tears falling. "I am. Al-Alright, yeah. 'Course I will. Aw, Hell, look at what you've done now," under that there's laughter, "making me all weepy again."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 02:12 am (UTC)"...family, yeah." Her voice picks up, gets warmer, she sounds genuinely delighted even through the continued tears. Happy tears, tears of relief and messy positive emotions as much as the pain that's underneath. "Ain't exactly that I thought there'd be anyone else as much as I hadn't thought about it, y'know? But that just— just makes it even better to hear it right now."
She accepts the bottle back on reflex as much as anything, though she takes another swig of what she'd poured. Wipes her eyes and cheeks.
"...m'so bloody glad I'm back. Don't wanna miss things like that, don't wanna leave any of you. Don't wanna be stuck in that— that—" nothingness. That horrible, horrible nothingness that consumed her the entire time she was gone.
Deep breath. In and out.