"I wouldn't want you to go to all the trouble right now anyway. Moments like this are all the more valuable to keep, after everything that's happened."
And there it is, the unspoken question nudged his direction - how are you holding up?
"Do you know what agoraphobia is, Miss Adams?" He's going to lay it out for her, piece by piece, and use her reactions to judge how valid his emotions are, and clearly this is a good way to give himself a reality check. Right?
"Not fully. I know a phobia is some sort of deep fear, but the agora part..." She shakes her head. From her time, it hasn't been in any of the books she's read yet.
"The agora was the public square in ancient Greek cities. It's fear of the public, or more clearly, fear to leave one's comfortable environment. I spent three years in my own world, not leaving the building I owned, because I felt like if I did, I'd return to a pile of rubble. The ship has reinforced that phobia. I have been unable to go on the majority of excursions. It took a lot of work for me to work up the nerve for this one, and I fear it might be my last."
And he's told his boys that, and they're so very sorry, but he doesn't want sorry. He wants to get his mind to believe not every experience will be like this one. But. That's easier said than done, isn't it?
She says it softly, as the full understanding dawns on her, sympathy for what this means. Helena's mind distills out the important parts, saves the rest to ponder quietly later - that it's so difficult for him to leave what is safe, and when he found the courage, his husband was brutally murdered. His fears confirmed, more or less, and her heart aches for it.
"Is it because you believe something like this will happen again?"
She can't say it won't. There's enough she's heard to believe it might.
He lets out a sound that's absolutely not really a laugh. "The problem isn't what I believe consciously. I can convince myself it might not happen twice in a row, but that doesn't mean I won't have a panic attack even approaching the gangplank."
She nods, adding that information to the pile. And he had referred to it as troubles, so she feels safe to assume he wants to change that. Still, what lurks in the mind can bind like barbed wire - some things cling too tightly to be pried loose without blood.
"What helped before? Why were you able to leave the first time?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 05:52 am (UTC)And there it is, the unspoken question nudged his direction - how are you holding up?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 06:06 am (UTC)“It’s not that it would be trouble, Helena. You are nothing compared,to what I’m counting as troubles these days.”
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 06:22 am (UTC)If the answer is no - if he'd rather be distracted, that's fine too. She just has to know.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 08:54 am (UTC)And he's told his boys that, and they're so very sorry, but he doesn't want sorry. He wants to get his mind to believe not every experience will be like this one. But. That's easier said than done, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 09:17 am (UTC)She says it softly, as the full understanding dawns on her, sympathy for what this means. Helena's mind distills out the important parts, saves the rest to ponder quietly later - that it's so difficult for him to leave what is safe, and when he found the courage, his husband was brutally murdered. His fears confirmed, more or less, and her heart aches for it.
"Is it because you believe something like this will happen again?"
She can't say it won't. There's enough she's heard to believe it might.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 10:35 am (UTC)"What helped before? Why were you able to leave the first time?"